Do you know what an emotional bank account is? It’s a concept I learned from a parenting book that has changed how I interact with my son. An emotional bank account is like a regular one but with feelings. You can make deposits by being nice to your kids and withdrawals by being mean to them. The goal is to have a positive balance, or you’ll get overdraft fees. These fees can be anything from tantrums to resentment to low self-esteem. So, how do you avoid these fees and earn interest in your kid’s emotional bank account? Here are some ways that I try to do it:

1. Listen to their Rants:

   My son loves to talk about his favourite cartoon, PJ Masks. He can go on and on about the characters, the plots, the gadgets, and the villains. Sometimes, I find it hard to pay attention, especially when I have other things on my mind. But I try to listen and show interest because it dramatically benefits him. He feels heard and valued, and that’s a big deposit in his account.

2. Praise their Efforts:

   My son is learning to write his alphabet. He tries hard but sometimes gets frustrated when his letters are imperfect. I tell him he’s incredible, and I’m proud of him for trying. I don’t focus on the outcome but on the process. He feels encouraged and motivated, and that’s another deposit in his account.

3. Play with Them:

   My son loves to play tag. He runs around the house, laughing and screaming, while I chase him. Sometimes, I let him catch me or pretend to be out of breath. He enjoyed the thrill of the game and the fun of teasing me. He feels happy and connected, and that’s a massive deposit in his account.

4. Apologize when You Mess Up:

   I’m not a perfect parent. Sometimes, I lose my temper and yell at my son. Sometimes, I forget to keep a promise. Sometimes, I make a mistake. I don’t try to justify myself or blame him when that happens. I say sorry, and I mean it. I explain what I did wrong and how I will improve next time. I also make it up to him by doing something nice, like buying him ice cream. He feels respected and forgiven, and that’s a crucial deposit in his account.

5. Set Boundaries and Be Consistent:

   My son needs rules and structure. He needs to know what is expected of him and the consequences if he doesn’t follow. I make reasonable and transparent rules, and I stick to them. I don’t change them on a whim or make exceptions based on my mood. I also don’t make too many or too strict rules because that would be oppressive and unfair. He feels safe and secure, and that’s a vital deposit in his account.

6. Be a Role Model:

   My kid learns from me. He watches what I do and how I behave. He copies my words and my actions. He absorbs my values and my attitudes. That’s why I try to be a good person and parent. I try to be kind, honest, respectful, responsible, and compassionate. I try to be cheerful, optimistic, and grateful. I try to be curious, creative, and adventurous. I try to be the best version of myself, and I hope he will be too. He feels inspired and empowered, and that’s a priceless deposit in his account.

These are some tips for building an emotional bank account with my kids. What are yours? Comment them with #EmotionalBankAccount. Let’s make our kids rich in love!

Product Recommendations:

• The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens: This book by Sean Covey teaches teenagers how to develop positive habits and cope with challenges in life. It is based on the best-selling book by his father, Stephen Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. It might be a good read for both you and your kids.
• Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers: This book by Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate explains how the attachment bond between parents and children is crucial for their development and well-being. It also offers practical advice on strengthening this bond and preventing peer orientation, which can lead to emotional and behavioural problems. It might help you understand your kids better and build a stronger relationship with them.
• Positive Discipline for Teenagers, Revised 3rd Edition: Empowering Your Teens and Yourself Through Kind and Firm Parenting: This book by Jane Nelsen and Lynn Lott shows how to use positive discipline techniques to guide teens towards responsible and respectful behaviour. It also helps you deal with common issues such as rebellion, communication, drugs, sex, and school. It might give you some valuable tools and strategies to handle the challenges of parenting teenagers.

These are just some of the products that I found. You can check out more “parenting books” options.

Feel free to reach out with questions or feedback. Contact EducateAble at namita@educateable.in or consult via Topmate: Namita Das at Topmate for personalized mental wellness services. Stay informed about upcoming sessions and workshops by subscribing to our website.