The other day, my son tried solving a tricky word puzzle. He got one part wrong and immediately groaned, “I can’t do this. I’m just not good at puzzles.”

Sound familiar?

We’ve all seen this—a child struggling with a task, their frustration bubbling over, and before we know it, their brain has convinced them that they’ll never get it right. This isn’t just frustration; it’s a cognitive distortion—an automatic thought pattern that twists reality in a way that fuels anxiety and self-doubt.

And here’s the tricky part: our kids don’t even realize their brains are playing tricks on them!

What Are Cognitive Distortions?

Think of cognitive distortions as those funhouse mirrors at carnivals. They take a small concern and stretch it out until it looks far scarier than it really is. And just like adults, kids experience these distortions too—sometimes even more intensely because they don’t yet have the skills to challenge their thoughts.

Let’s look at some of the most common ones that show up in anxious, perfectionist, or sensitive children:

1️⃣ All-or-nothing thinking – “If I can’t do it perfectly, I’m a failure.”

• When kids see things in black and white, a small mistake feels like a total disaster. One wrong answer on a test means they “aren’t smart.” One missed soccer goal means they “aren’t good at sports.”

2️⃣ Jumping to Conclusions – “She didn’t text me back. She must be mad at me.”

• Our kids often assume the worst without evidence. If friends don’t wave back, they think they’re being ignored. If a teacher corrects them, they think they’re in trouble.

3️⃣ Catastrophizing – “What if I mess up? Everyone will laugh at me!”

• The anxious brain loves to spiral. A child might believe that forgetting one line in a school play will be “the worst thing ever” and that “everyone will think I’m stupid.”

4️⃣ Personalization – “It’s my fault Mom is upset.”

• Many kids believe they are the cause of other people’s emotions. If a parent has a bad day, they assume they did something wrong.

5️⃣ Labeling – “I’m dumb.” “I’m bad at math.”

• Instead of seeing a mistake as just one moment, kids often label themselves in ways that feel permanent. A single struggle with reading turns into “I’ll never be good at this.”

How Do We Help Kids Challenge These Tricky Thoughts?

The good news? Cognitive distortions aren’t facts—they’re just thoughts. And we can teach kids how to challenge them!

Here’s a simple Thought Detective activity we can try:

🔍 Catch the Thought – First, we help them notice the tricky thought. “What did your brain just say?”

🧐 Check the Evidence – We ask, “Is this 100% true, or is my brain just guessing?” Helping them look for actual proof can reduce anxiety.

💡 Change the Story – Together, we rewrite the thought into something more balanced. Instead of “I’m bad at puzzles,” we can say, “This puzzle is tricky, but I can try different ways to solve it.”

🎭 Make It Playful!

• Have kids name their anxious brain (e.g., “Worry Worm” or “Tricky Thoughts Tim”) so they can talk back to it.
• Use a “Thought vs. Fact” game where they write down their scary thought and then list facts that prove or disprove it.
• Try a role reversal where we say the negative thought, and they play the role of the “thought coach” correcting us!

The More We Practice, The Stronger Their Thinking Becomes

Teaching kids to challenge their thoughts isn’t about making worries disappear—it’s about giving them tools to handle them. Mastering it requires consistent practice, much like developing any new skill. Some days will be easier than others, and that’s okay.

So the next time we hear our child say, “I can’t do this,” let’s pause, sit beside them, and ask, “Is that true? Or is that just a tricky thought trying to fool you?”

✨ Let’s help our kids build a brain that works for them, not against them. ✨

💬 What’s a tricky thought your child has said recently? Drop it in the comments—we’d love to hear how you helped them challenge it!

Recommended Tools to Tackle Cognitive Distortions

If you’re looking for hands-on tools to help children navigate anxiety and cognitive distortions, here are some great options: 

1. The Self-Regulation Deck for Kids – 50 CBT-based activity cards provide fun and practical exercises to help children manage anxiety, stress, and intense emotions. The easy-to-follow strategies empower kids with coping techniques they can use daily.
2. The Self-Regulation Workbook for Kids – A companion to the card deck, this workbook is filled with engaging activities designed to teach kids how to recognize and reshape negative thought patterns. It’s an excellent resource for helping children build emotional resilience.

Utilizing these tools, along with everyday conversations and play-based approaches, can significantly support children in shifting their thinking patterns and managing anxiety more effectively.