“He’s so slow. No one likes him. He doesn’t even run fast.”

That was the casual, matter-of-fact observation my son shared with me one afternoon.

He wasn’t being mean.

He wasn’t even trying to label.

He was just… repeating what he’d heard.

And that’s precisely what made it so powerful—and concerning.

I’ve learned to lean in when kids share these little, offhand comments. Because beneath the surface lies something bigger: a mindset trap. And suppose we don’t address it gently but firmly. In that case, it grows into a belief that guides how they treat others—and eventually, how they see themselves.

The Friendship Mindset Trap: What Is It, Really?

Let’s call it what it is:

A mental shortcut kids take to belong—even if it means leaving someone else out.

It shows up in thoughts like:

• “Everyone thinks he’s weird, so I should too.”
• “If I stand up for that kid, I’ll lose my friends.”
• “Being different means you can’t be liked.”

These beliefs don’t start in a vacuum. Children observe, absorb, and adapt to the social rules around them—spoken or unspoken. And for neurodiverse kids like mine, who already struggle with social flexibility, the pressure to fit in can make these mindset traps feel even more rigid.

Where Do These Traps Come From?

• Groupthink: Kids want to belong. If the group says one child is “weird,” they often won’t question it.
• Fear of exclusion: Challenging the group feels risky, especially if friendships are fragile.
• Lack of perspective-taking: Many children—especially those with ADHD, autism traits, or social anxiety—are still developing the ability to see others’ viewpoints.
• Unspoken adult modelling: How do we talk about “different” people? Are we labelling too?

What I Did Instead: Turning a Label Into a Lesson

That day, I didn’t give my son a lecture.

We didn’t jump into a worksheet or punishment.

We talked.

I asked:

• “What makes someone likeable to you?”
• “Do you think being slow means someone is less smart or kind?”
• “What would it feel like if you were the slowest runner in class?”

He paused. He reflected. He even shrugged and said, “I don’t know… I never thought of it like that.”

Exactly. That’s where the work begins.

Rewiring the Mindset (Without Preaching)

We gently explored these ideas through casual role-swaps:

• “Imagine if someone said that about you—how would you want your friend to react?”
• “What could you say if your best friend made fun of someone else?”
• “Can we notice one thing that boy does well tomorrow?”

These aren’t heavy conversations. They’re light touch, consistent, and anchored in empathy-building. That’s where actual change happens—not overnight, but over time.

Try This at Home: The “Pause, Picture, Pick” Activity

Here’s a simple activity I now recommend to parents and teachers:

1. Pause: When your child labels someone (“He’s annoying,” “She’s weird”), pause and ask:

• “What do you mean by that?”
• This slows down the thought before it becomes belief.

• Picture: Invite your child to imagine being that child.

• “How do you think they feel when others talk like that?”

• Pick: Let them pick a kind action. Just one.

• “Tomorrow, can you smile at them? Ask them if they need help?”
• Even small shifts change how children view others—and themselves.

Final Thoughts: You Can Be the Interruptor

When we interrupt these mindset traps early, we raise kids who lead with courage instead of conformity. Kids who think for themselves. Kids who include rather than exclude.

And more than anything?

We raise children who know that being kind isn’t something we do after we feel brave.

It’s what makes us brave.

Want support navigating your child’s social world or emotional challenges?

Book a 1:1 consult with me here: https://topmate.io/namita_das11.

Tell me in the comments: Has your child ever repeated something that made you pause and reflect? How did you respond? Let’s learn from each other.

Recommended Resources to Foster Empathy and Social Skills

1. Things I Can’t See: A Unique Book for Kids on Empathy This engaging picture book helps children understand emotions and feelings by exploring scenarios that encouraging empathy and emotional awareness.
2. You, Me and Empathy: Teaching Children about Empathy, Feelings, Kindness, Compassion, Tolerance, and Recognising Bullying Behaviours: A beautifully illustrated book that introduces children to empathy, teaching them to understand and respect others’ feelings.
3. Empathy Is Your Superpower: A Book about Understanding the Feelings of Others This book empowers children to recognize and practice empathy through relatable scenarios, reinforcing that empathy is a valuable skill.
4. Social Skills Activities for Kids: 50 Fun Exercises for Making Friends, Talking and Listening, and Understanding Social Rules A practical guide filled with interactive activities designed to help children develop essential social skills in a fun and engaging way.
5. Empathy Journal: A Book for Kids: Prompts to Build Compassion and Understand Feelings This journal encourages children to reflect on their emotions and develop a deeper understanding of empathy.

These resources can be valuable tools in nurturing your child’s emotional intelligence and social understanding. If you need personalized guidance or support in implementing these concepts, please book a 1:1 consultation with us here: https://topmate.io/namita_das11.

Together, we can empower our children to build meaningful friendships and navigate social situations with confidence and compassion.