What if a child who does not make eye contact, offer a hug or say “Are you okay?” is still showing that they care?
Children often use visible behaviour to work out what another person is feeling or intending.
A friend does not respond to their message, so they assume the friend is angry.
Someone does not look at them while they are talking, so they assume that person is not listening.
An autistic child behaves differently from what they expect, so they may conclude:
“They do not care.”
For parents, this can become an opportunity for a simple conversation about empathy, communication and the fact that people can express care in different ways.
Rather than giving your child a long explanation, try turning the idea into a small drawing experiment.
Watch the YouTube Short first
I created a short visual demonstration of this activity for parents and children.
The activity takes only a few minutes and requires nothing more than paper and a drawing tool.
The Autism Myth Behind the Activity
One persistent misconception about autism is that autistic people lack empathy.
This idea is far more complicated than the stereotype suggests.
Research and discussion around autism and empathy have increasingly recognised considerable variation in autistic people’s experiences. Some autistic people describe difficulties interpreting social and emotional cues, while others describe very strong emotional responses. Some people may understand another person’s distress but find it difficult to communicate their response in a way that another person recognises.
This distinction matters.
A person can care about someone without expressing that care through eye contact, facial expressions, physical affection or the particular words we expect.
The behaviour we can observe does not always tell us everything about the person’s internal experience.
That is a useful idea for children to learn, whether or not they have an autistic family member or friend.
Try This With Your Child
This activity is particularly suitable for children around 9–12 years old, although you can adapt the language for younger or older children.
You will need:
- A sheet of paper
- A pencil or coloured pen
- Around five minutes
- Curiosity rather than a right answer
Start by drawing a large heart.
Tell your child:
“This heart means caring.”
Then say:
“Let’s imagine three people who care about someone. I want each person to show their care in a different way.”
Draw three simple people.
Person 1: Words
The first person might say:
“Are you okay?”
Draw a speech bubble.
Person 2: Physical affection
The second person might give the person a hug.
You can draw two simple figures standing together.
Person 3: Practical help
The third person might quietly bring them some water, sit beside them or help solve a problem.
The drawing does not need to be artistic.
The point is the difference between the behaviours.
Then ask your child:
“Which person cares the most?”
Pause and let them answer.
You can then ask:
“Could all three people care, even though they show it differently?”
Circle all three figures.
Then connect each person to the same heart.
The Important Question
Now take the experiment a little further.
Ask:
“What if someone cared about you but did not know how to show it in the way you expected?”
This is where the conversation becomes interesting.
A person might care but:
- struggle to find the right words
- feel uncomfortable with physical touch
- look away while listening
- need extra time before responding
- show care by helping rather than talking
- express concern through an action rather than a facial expression
The child does not need to decide that every unusual behaviour means someone cares.
Instead, you are introducing a more useful habit of thinking:
“Is there another possible explanation?”
Turn the Drawing Into a Visual Metaphor
Now write this underneath the heart:
DIFFERENT EXPRESSION ≠ DOESN’T CARE
You can ask your child to decorate the two sides differently.
On one side, they could draw examples of visible ways people show care.
On the other, they could draw less obvious ways people show care.
The final page becomes a visual reminder that the same feeling can have different outward expressions.
This is where expressive arts can be particularly useful.
A child does not have to explain an abstract concept perfectly in words.
They can see it.
They can draw it.
They can change the drawing.
They can compare two ideas side by side.
Why This Can Be Helpful
The activity encourages perspective-taking.
Perspective-taking involves considering that another person’s experience, thoughts or intentions may differ from our own.
For children, this can be especially useful when social situations feel confusing.
Imagine a child says:
“He ignored me.”
Instead of immediately agreeing with the interpretation, a parent can ask:
“What happened?”
Then:
“What are some other reasons he might not have responded?”
This creates space between what happened and what we think it means.
That distinction can be valuable when children are learning to interpret social behaviour.
Empathy Is More Than Looking Empathetic
Eye contact, facial expressions, tone of voice and verbal reassurance are commonly used as signals of social connection.
They can be useful.
They are also not the only ways people communicate care.
Research and autistic perspectives have challenged the idea that autism can simply be understood as an absence of empathy. The National Autistic Society’s discussion of autism and empathy describes substantial diversity in autistic people’s experiences and highlights the importance of listening to autistic perspectives when discussing the subject.
This is an important distinction for parents.
A child who does not respond in the expected way may still understand that somebody is upset.
They may care deeply but struggle to translate that feeling into the response another person expects.
They may also need more time to process what is happening.
And autistic people have individual differences, just as non-autistic people do.
There is no single way that an autistic person experiences or expresses empathy.
A Simple Conversation You Can Have at Home
You can use the drawing to start a conversation rather than delivering a lesson.
Try questions such as:
“How do you usually show someone you care?”
“How does someone else show you that they care?”
“Can two people care about each other but show it differently?”
“Have you ever misunderstood someone’s behaviour?”
“Could there be another explanation for what happened?”
The final question is particularly useful because it encourages curiosity without asking the child to dismiss their first interpretation.
An Important Difference: Understanding Is Not Excusing Everything
Teaching children to consider alternative explanations does not mean asking them to tolerate behaviour that hurts them.
A child can learn:
“This person may communicate differently.”
while also learning:
“I can still say when someone’s behaviour makes me uncomfortable.”
That distinction matters.
Understanding neurodivergent communication should not require a child to ignore their own boundaries.
The purpose of the activity is to widen interpretation, not to tell children that every behaviour has a positive explanation.
How Parents Can Use This Beyond Autism
You do not have to use this activity only when discussing autism.
It can become a general family exercise.
When your child makes a quick judgement about another person’s behaviour, you can ask:
“What happened?”
Then:
“What did you think it meant?”
And finally:
“What else could it mean?”
The drawing can become a reminder that observable behaviour and intention are not always identical.
This can be useful in friendships, sibling relationships and classroom situations.
Adapt It For Different Ages
For younger children
Use very simple drawings.
Instead of discussing empathy, say:
“Can someone show love without saying ‘I love you’?”
Draw examples such as sharing a toy, sitting nearby or helping.
For children aged 9–12
Use the three-person heart experiment from the video.
Then discuss different interpretations of social behaviour.
For teenagers
Make the activity more reflective.
Ask them to draw:
“How I show people I care”
and
“How other people might show me they care.”
Then compare the two.
This can lead into conversations about friendships, texting, misunderstandings and communication preferences.
Art Materials You Can Keep at Home
You do not need specialised therapeutic equipment for this activity.
A basic sketchbook and coloured pencils are enough.
If your child enjoys visual activities, you could also create a small feelings and communication kit with emotion cards, drawing materials and a blank journal.
Useful resources to consider
Children’s drawing books can give children an easy starting point if they feel unsure about drawing their own figures.
Emotion cards can help children explore facial expressions, feelings and different ways of responding to emotional situations.
Children’s art therapy and feelings workbooks can provide additional prompts for children who enjoy structured creative activities.
Blank sketchbooks and coloured pencils are particularly useful because they can be reused for many expressive arts activities.
For example, The Drawing Book for Kids is designed around guided drawing.
Essential Art Therapy Exercises for Children and Teens is another resource aimed specifically at creative work with children and teenagers.
How do They Feel? Real Photo Feelings and Social Inferencing is a resource focused on recognising feelings and social inference.
Disclosure: Some links on this page may be affiliate links. If you purchase through an affiliate link, I may receive a small commission at no additional cost to you.
Watch the Activity in Action
If you would rather see the exercise before trying it with your child, watch my YouTube Short:
When Your Child Thinks “They Don’t Care” | Try This Heart Drawing | Expressive Arts Activity
The Short shows the visual transformation from:
“They don’t care.”
to:
“Could they be showing care differently?”
That small change in perspective can open a much more useful conversation.
A Note for Parents of Autistic Children
Autism is a spectrum, and autistic children differ considerably in how they communicate, process social information and express emotions.
This activity should therefore be adapted to the individual child.
Do not use it to tell an autistic child that they should behave more like non-autistic children.
Instead, use it to explore the possibility that people communicate care in different ways.
The same principle applies to the adults around the child.
Parents, teachers and peers can also learn to become more curious about communication differences rather than immediately assigning an intention to a behaviour.
The Takeaway
The next time your child says:
“They don’t care.”
you do not necessarily need to correct them immediately.
Take out a piece of paper.
Draw a heart.
Draw different ways of showing care.
Then ask:
“Could someone care and show it differently from you?”
That question can turn an abstract conversation about autism and empathy into something your child can see, explore and remember.
And that is the power of expressive arts: a simple image can sometimes give children a way to explore an idea that would be difficult to explain through words alone.
Save this activity for your next parent-child conversation, share it with a parent or teacher who might find it useful, and subscribe to EducateAble for more practical expressive arts and counselling ideas for children.
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