How Long Have You Been Waiting for Permission?
You have an idea you want to explore. Perhaps you want to start a creative project, change careers, share your opinions, pursue a personal goal or finally do something that feels meaningful to you.
You think about it repeatedly. You imagine what it could look like. You might even begin planning the first few steps.
Then a question enters your mind.
What will they think?
You wonder whether your family will approve. You worry about disappointing your friends. You imagine someone questioning your choices or pointing out everything that could go wrong.
So you wait.
You wait for encouragement, reassurance or a sign that you are making the right decision. You tell yourself that you will begin once you feel more confident or once the people around you understand your plans.
Days turn into months, and the decision remains where you left it.
If this feels familiar, you might be experiencing a pattern of approval-seeking or struggling with the fear of judgement.
Wanting support from people we care about is a natural part of human relationships. Their opinions can offer useful perspectives, and their encouragement can help us feel supported. Difficulty arises when their approval becomes a condition for making personal decisions.
What would happen if you allowed yourself to explore an idea before knowing whether other people would approve?
In this article, we will explore why we sometimes wait for external permission, how this pattern can affect our confidence, and how a simple expressive arts exercise can help you reflect on your next step.
1. What Does It Mean to Keep Waiting for Permission?
Waiting for permission can be an emotional pattern in which you feel unable to act until someone else reassures you that your decision is acceptable.
You might recognise it in everyday situations.
- You want to express a different opinion, but remain silent because you fear being judged.
- You have an idea for a project, but keep asking others whether it is good enough.
- You want to establish a boundary, yet worry that someone will think you are selfish.
- You consider trying something unfamiliar, but wait until you feel certain that you will succeed.
- You want to make a personal change, but struggle to move forward without approval from people close to you.
These experiences can involve self-doubt, fear of rejection or a strong desire to maintain harmony in relationships.
The pattern can also appear in subtle ways. You may spend considerable time researching an opportunity, asking for advice or revising your plans without taking the first practical step.
Seeking advice can be constructive. The important question is whether the information helps you make a decision or becomes another reason to postpone it.
Reflection prompt: Think of something you have wanted to do for a while. Are you waiting for information you genuinely need, or are you waiting to feel completely certain that nobody will disapprove?
There is a difference between making an informed decision and expecting universal approval before acting.
2. Why Do We Seek Approval From Others?
The need for approval can develop for different reasons. Understanding your own pattern can help you respond to it with greater awareness.
Fear of rejection
Humans depend on relationships and social connection. The possibility of being criticised, excluded or misunderstood can feel uncomfortable, especially when the opinion belongs to someone important to us.
If disagreement has previously led to conflict or rejection, you may become cautious about expressing your preferences.
Over time, avoiding disapproval can begin to influence decisions that would otherwise be yours to make.
Experiences of conditional approval
Some people grow up receiving praise primarily when they perform well, follow expectations or meet other people’s standards.
When approval feels conditional, a person may begin to associate acceptance with getting things right.
As an adult or teenager, this can translate into thoughts such as:
- I need to prove that I can do this.
- I should wait until I am good enough.
- I cannot disappoint the people who believe in me.
- I need someone to confirm that my choice is correct.
These patterns do not automatically indicate that a person has experienced conditional approval. They are possible explanations worth exploring in the context of their individual experiences.
Perfectionism and fear of making mistakes
Perfectionism can make taking action feel risky. If you believe that your first attempt must be impressive, you may postpone beginning until you feel sufficiently prepared.
External approval can then become a way of managing uncertainty.
You might ask several people to review your idea, repeatedly reconsider your decision or wait until you feel confident enough to guarantee a good outcome.
However, confidence often develops through experience. You learn about your abilities by trying, adjusting and discovering what works.
Difficulty trusting your own judgement
Repeatedly relying on other people’s opinions can make it harder to recognise your own preferences.
You may become skilled at identifying what others want while feeling uncertain about what you want yourself.
This can affect decisions about education, friendships, career choices and personal boundaries.
The NHS guide to raising low self-esteem discusses how negative beliefs and avoidance can reinforce doubts about personal ability. It also recommends recognising strengths and taking manageable steps towards challenging situations.
Read more: NHS guidance on raising low self-esteem.
3. How Waiting for Approval Can Affect Your Life
Seeking approval occasionally is a normal part of social life. It becomes more difficult when it repeatedly prevents you from acting according to your own needs and values.
Your decisions may become dependent on reassurance
You may find yourself asking several people for advice, even after you have already considered the practical consequences.
If their opinions differ, the decision can become more confusing.
The relief you experience after receiving reassurance may also fade, leading you to seek further confirmation.
You may lose touch with your preferences
Consider how often you ask yourself, What do I want? compared with What will other people think?
When the second question dominates your decisions, identifying your own preferences can become harder.
You may agree to plans you do not enjoy, avoid opportunities that interest you or struggle to express disagreement.
Opportunities can remain unexplored
Waiting for complete confidence can delay experiences that might help you learn about yourself.
You may never discover whether you enjoy a particular activity, have an aptitude for a new skill or would benefit from pursuing a different direction.
Taking action does not guarantee success. It gives you information that prolonged speculation cannot provide.
Your self-confidence may remain fragile
If you judge every decision through other people’s reactions, positive feedback can temporarily increase your confidence while criticism can undermine it.
Developing self-trust involves learning to evaluate your choices using your own judgement, relevant information and personal values, while remaining open to constructive feedback.
The aim is to develop a balanced relationship with external opinions rather than dismissing them entirely.
4. Expressive Arts Therapy: Explore Your Need for Approval Through Drawing
Talking about self-doubt can be helpful, but finding the right words for an emotional experience can take time.
Drawing offers another way to begin exploring the experience.
Expressive arts approaches use creative processes to support reflection and self-expression. In a therapeutic setting, the practitioner and client can explore the meaning of the artwork without assuming that a particular image has a fixed psychological interpretation.
You do not need artistic experience to try the following reflective exercise.
The Wall and the Door: An Expressive Arts Reflection
Time required: 10–15 minutes
Materials: Blank paper, a pen or pencil, and coloured markers if you would like to use them.
Suitable for: Teenagers and adults.
Step 1: Draw a wall
Take a sheet of paper and draw a wall across the page.
It can be a straight line, a brick wall or a large enclosed shape. Choose a representation that feels comfortable to you.
Pause for a moment and consider what the wall represents in relation to something you have been postponing.
Step 2: Write the names or roles of people whose approval you are seeking
Inside or along the wall, write down the people whose opinions influence your decision.
You might write family, friends, colleagues, teachers or people online.
You can also include an imagined audience, such as people you fear might criticise you.
You do not need to include anyone’s name if that feels too personal.
Step 3: Notice what the wall represents
Look at your drawing and reflect on these questions:
- What am I afraid might happen if I proceed without approval?
- Whose opinion carries the greatest influence over my decision?
- Is there a genuine concern I need to consider, or am I anticipating criticism?
- What would I choose if I trusted my ability to handle an imperfect outcome?
Write down any thoughts that emerge. You do not need to answer every question.
Step 4: Draw a door in the wall
Now draw a door.
You can make it large, small, open or closed. Add details if you wish, such as a handle, steps or a path beyond the wall.
Consider what this door represents for you. It might symbolise choice, independence, curiosity or the possibility of trying something new.
There is no correct way to draw it.
Step 5: Write one action beside the door
Choose a manageable action that moves you towards the thing you have been postponing.
For example:
- Send the first email about a project.
- Research the requirements for a course.
- Share an idea with someone you trust.
- Spend 15 minutes practising a new skill.
- Express a preference you would normally keep to yourself.
Write your action beside the door.
Keep it specific enough that you can recognise when you have completed it.
Step 6: Reflect on the finished drawing
Look at the wall, the names and the door together.
Ask yourself: What is one thing I can do while uncertainty is still present?
You may wish to add a colour, word or symbol that represents how you want to approach your next step.
There is no need to force a positive feeling or reach a dramatic conclusion. The purpose is to give yourself space to examine the situation and identify a possible way forward.
Important: This is a self-reflection exercise inspired by expressive arts practices. It is not a diagnostic tool, and the drawing cannot establish the cause of your difficulties. If the exercise brings up distressing experiences, pause and consider exploring them with a qualified mental health professional.
Watch the Exercise on YouTube
Want to see the drawing prompt demonstrated?
Watch the EducateAble YouTube Short from The Art of Being Human series.
Watch: When You Keep Waiting for Permission | EducateAble
Follow along with the drawing and consider what your own wall and door might represent.
5. Five Ways to Build Self-Trust Without Ignoring Other People’s Opinions
The drawing exercise can help you identify a starting point. Developing self-trust also involves practising how you make decisions in everyday life.
1. Identify whose approval you are seeking
When you feel hesitant, name the person or group whose reaction concerns you.
Then ask yourself what you expect their response to be.
For example, you might think, My colleagues will assume I am inexperienced if I suggest a different approach.
Ask yourself whether you have evidence for this prediction. Consider alternative explanations and whether the anticipated reaction would prevent you from proceeding even if your idea had merit.
This reflection can help you distinguish between a practical concern and an assumption about other people’s thoughts.
2. Separate useful advice from the need for reassurance
Other people can offer knowledge, experience and perspectives that you may not have considered.
Before asking for feedback, identify what you need to know.
You might ask a trusted person to review the feasibility of a plan, explain a technical requirement or point out a potential risk.
Once you have considered that information, give yourself time to make the decision.
You do not need to keep asking the same question until every person agrees with you.
3. Practise making small decisions independently
Self-trust can be developed through everyday practice.
Choose a decision that carries manageable consequences and make it using the information available to you.
You might choose a personal project to work on, decide how to spend an afternoon or select a topic to learn about without asking several people to approve your choice.
Afterwards, reflect on what you learned.
The purpose is to build familiarity with making decisions, including decisions you may later revise.
4. Learn to tolerate the discomfort of uncertainty
You may still feel nervous after deciding what to do.
That discomfort does not automatically mean you have made the wrong choice.
Try naming the feeling: I am worried about being judged, and I can still consider my options.
Then identify the practical next step.
You can take time to evaluate risks without expecting every doubt to disappear first.
If the decision involves safety, finances, health or significant legal consequences, appropriate professional advice and careful planning remain important.
5. Measure progress through your actions
External reactions are not entirely within your control.
Someone may misunderstand your decision. Another person may offer encouragement. A third may disagree.
You can evaluate your own progress by asking whether you considered the available information, acted in accordance with your values and responded thoughtfully to the outcome.
This approach allows you to learn from experience without making another person’s approval the sole measure of your decision.
For further guidance, read the NHS inform self-esteem self-help guide, which includes exercises for recognising negative self-talk and developing more supportive ways of responding to yourself.
6. Questions to Ask Yourself When You Feel Stuck
Use these prompts in a journal or alongside your drawing.
About the decision
- What have I been wanting to do?
- What information do I still need before making a responsible decision?
About approval
- Whose reaction am I anticipating?
- What am I afraid their reaction would mean about me?
About self-trust
- What evidence do I have that I can handle a difficult outcome?
- What would I advise a friend who was facing a similar decision?
About taking action
- What is one manageable step I can take?
- What support would help me proceed without handing over the decision entirely?
You can revisit these questions whenever you notice yourself repeatedly postponing something that matters to you.
7. Recommended Art Materials for Your Self-Reflection Practice
You do not need an elaborate art kit to complete the Wall and the Door exercise. Ordinary paper and a pen are enough.
If you enjoy creative journalling or want to explore more drawing-based reflection prompts, the following materials may be useful.
Affiliate disclosure: Some links below will be affiliate links. If you purchase through them, EducateAble may earn a commission at no additional cost to you.
A. Blank sketchbook
A sketchbook gives you a dedicated place to keep your drawings and written reflections. You can return to earlier pages and notice how your thoughts about a particular decision change over time.
What to look for: A sketchbook with unlined pages and paper suitable for your preferred drawing materials.
B. Coloured markers
Markers can help you distinguish the wall from the door or use different colours to represent different concerns and possibilities.
Choose a small set if you are beginning. A large collection is unnecessary for this exercise.
What to look for: Water-based markers that suit your paper and preferred style of drawing.
Explore coloured drawing markers
C. Fine-line drawing pens
Fine-line pens can be useful for adding words, outlines and small details to your artwork.
They are particularly helpful if you prefer simple line drawings rather than filling large areas with colour.
What to look for: A comfortable grip and a tip size that allows you to write legibly.
Explore fine-line drawing pens
D. A reflective journal
A journal can help you record the thoughts that emerge while creating art. You might write about the decision you are facing, the feelings associated with it and the action you choose to take.
What to look for: A notebook with enough space for written reflections and, if you prefer, small drawings.
Explore journals and notebooks
Product selection tip: Choose materials based on how you prefer to create. You can complete the activity with inexpensive supplies you already own.
8. When Should You Consider Counselling?
Self-reflection can be a useful starting point, particularly when you are trying to understand your reactions to everyday decisions.
You may benefit from professional support if fear of judgement or approval-seeking repeatedly affects your relationships, work, education or ability to make personal decisions.
Counselling can provide a confidential setting to explore the experiences and beliefs associated with these patterns. Depending on your needs, a practitioner may help you examine unhelpful assumptions, practise assertive communication or develop strategies for managing uncertainty.
Expressive arts can also be incorporated into appropriate therapeutic work when the approach fits the person’s preferences and the practitioner’s training.
Consider seeking support if you find that:
- You regularly avoid important opportunities because you fear criticism.
- You struggle to express your needs or establish boundaries.
- You feel considerable distress when someone disagrees with you.
- You repeatedly seek reassurance but find that the relief does not last.
You do not need to wait until these difficulties become overwhelming before asking for help.
9. Frequently Asked Questions
How do I stop seeking approval from others?
Begin by identifying situations in which you depend on other people’s reactions before making a decision. Examine what you fear might happen if they disagree, and distinguish useful feedback from repeated reassurance-seeking. Practise making manageable decisions independently while remaining open to relevant advice.
Why am I afraid of being judged?
Fear of judgement can be influenced by previous experiences, concerns about rejection, social expectations or beliefs about personal ability. The reasons vary from person to person. Reflecting on the situations that trigger the fear can help you understand your own responses.
Can drawing help with self-confidence?
Drawing can provide a way to explore thoughts and feelings that may be difficult to express verbally. A structured drawing prompt can support reflection and help you identify a possible action. It should not be treated as a guaranteed intervention or a substitute for professional care when that is needed.
Is expressive arts therapy suitable for beginners?
You do not need to be skilled at drawing to participate in a creative reflection exercise. In expressive arts therapy, the focus depends on the therapeutic approach and the individual’s needs. The activity described here is a self-guided reflection prompt rather than a full therapy session.
How can teenagers learn to trust their own decisions?
Teenagers can benefit from age-appropriate opportunities to express preferences, evaluate choices and learn from manageable mistakes. Supportive adults can encourage independent thinking while providing guidance about safety, responsibilities and consequences. The aim is to help young people develop decision-making skills while knowing that support remains available.
10. Your Next Step: Open the Door
Think again about the decision you have been postponing.
You may still want advice. You may have practical concerns to resolve. You may need more time to prepare.
Give yourself permission to examine those needs honestly.
Then consider whether there is a step you can take without waiting for every person around you to agree.
You could send a message, begin a draft, practise a skill or set aside time to explore an idea.
The action does not have to be dramatic. It simply needs to move you from thinking about a possibility towards engaging with it.
Return to your drawing if you need a visual prompt. Look at the wall, the people whose opinions influence you and the door you created.
Ask yourself:
What would I begin if I trusted myself enough to take the first step?
You can listen to other people, consider their perspectives and still make a decision that reflects your own values.
Explore More with EducateAble
If this exercise resonated with you, explore more content from EducateAble on emotional wellbeing, self-awareness and expressive arts.
- Watch the video: When You Keep Waiting for Permission | The Art of Being Human
- Explore more videos: Visit the EducateAble YouTube channel
- Continue reflecting: Save this article and return to the drawing exercise whenever you notice yourself waiting for approval before taking action.
If you found this exercise helpful, share the article with someone who may be struggling with self-doubt.
Your next step can begin with a question, a drawing or a small decision. You can learn about yourself as you move forward.
About EducateAble
EducateAble shares educational resources and practical ideas to support emotional wellbeing, inclusive learning and personal growth. Through accessible creative prompts and reflective practices, the platform encourages readers to explore their experiences and develop useful everyday skills.
Disclaimer: This article is for educational and self-reflection purposes. The drawing exercise is not a diagnostic assessment or a replacement for individualised mental health support.
Leave a Reply