A simple flower drawing can teach us something important about life: our first attempts do not have to be perfect. Discover how a growth mindset, self-compassion and expressive arts can help children and adults approach mistakes differently.
Have you ever started something with excitement, only to feel disappointed when the result did not match what you had imagined?
Perhaps it was a drawing that looked nothing like the picture in your head. A school assignment that received a lower grade than expected. A new skill that seemed easy when someone else demonstrated it, but felt incredibly difficult when you tried it yourself.
What happens next?
Do you try again? Or do you decide that you are simply not good at it?
This response can influence how we approach learning, relationships and new experiences.
We often place considerable pressure on ourselves to get things right from the beginning. Children experience this when they struggle with schoolwork. Teenagers encounter it when comparing their abilities with their peers. Adults face it when starting a new career, learning a skill or navigating unfamiliar situations.
Yet, there is something valuable about allowing an imperfect first attempt to exist.
In this article, we explore how learning to accept mistakes can support personal growth, why our first attempts deserve more patience and how a simple expressive arts exercise can help us look at failure differently.
1. Why Do We Feel So Discouraged When Things Go Wrong?
The expectation of getting something right can influence how we respond to challenges.
Imagine a child attempting to draw a house. They carefully draw the roof, windows and door. However, the proportions look different from what they imagined.
They erase the entire picture.
They try again, encounter another difficulty and become frustrated. Eventually, they push the paper away.
An adult might experience something similar when learning a new software programme, preparing for an important presentation or attempting a creative project.
Several factors can contribute to this response.
Fear of making mistakes
Mistakes can feel uncomfortable, particularly when we associate them with embarrassment or criticism.
Children who frequently hear that their work needs improvement may become hesitant to attempt unfamiliar tasks. Adults who have experienced repeated criticism may also avoid situations where their abilities could be evaluated.
Perfectionism
Perfectionism can create unrealistic expectations about performance.
A person may believe that their work must meet a particular standard before they can feel satisfied. When the outcome falls short, they may dismiss the entire effort.
This can make starting new activities increasingly difficult.
Comparing ourselves with others
We often compare our beginning with somebody else’s experience.
A child may compare their drawing with a classmate who has been practising for years. An adult learning to paint may compare their first painting with an experienced artist’s finished work.
Such comparisons overlook the learning and practice behind the other person’s achievements.
Difficulty accepting frustration
Learning requires us to tolerate moments when something feels unfamiliar or challenging.
When frustration becomes overwhelming, we may abandon the task before discovering what we can learn from the experience.
Recognising these patterns can help us respond with greater patience.
2. Understanding the Growth Mindset
The concept of a growth mindset was developed through the research of psychologist Carol Dweck.
A growth mindset involves recognising that abilities and skills can develop through learning, practice and appropriate support.
A fixed mindset, in contrast, tends to view abilities as relatively unchangeable.
Consider these two responses to a difficult task:
Fixed mindset: “I cannot draw. I am terrible at this.”
Growth mindset: “I am still learning how to draw. I can practise a different technique.”
The difference lies in how the person interprets the difficulty.
The first response treats the current outcome as evidence of permanent inability. The second recognises that the current level of performance can change.
For children, this distinction can influence their willingness to participate in classroom activities, attempt unfamiliar assignments and recover from academic setbacks.
For adults, it can encourage continued learning even when progress feels slow.
However, developing a growth mindset does not mean pretending that every experience is easy or that effort automatically guarantees success.
People also need constructive feedback, suitable learning opportunities and access to support.
The important shift is learning to see a disappointing outcome as information that can guide the next attempt.
3. What an Imperfect Flower Can Teach Us About Life
Here is a simple expressive arts exercise that communicates this idea without requiring a lengthy explanation.
Imagine drawing a flower.
The first set of petals is uneven. Some lines are crooked. A few petals look larger than the others.
Your first instinct might be to erase the drawing and begin again.
Instead, leave those original lines exactly where they are.
Add another layer of petals around the first one. Introduce a different colour. Add details until the flower gradually takes shape.
Look at the finished picture.
The original lines are still visible, yet they have become part of a larger composition.
This simple transformation offers an opportunity to reflect on how we approach mistakes.
Our earlier attempts can provide information about what needs adjusting. We can change our approach, explore another possibility and develop new skills.
The flower becomes a visual representation of learning through experience.
The life lesson: Your first attempt does not have to determine the final outcome.
4. Try This Expressive Arts Exercise: The Flower of Second Chances
You can use this exercise as a personal reflection or adapt it for a guided counselling session.
Suitable for: Teenagers and adults. Parents can also adapt it for children aged 8 and above.
Time required: 15–20 minutes.
Materials required:
- Drawing paper or a sketchbook
- Black fine-liner or ordinary pencil
- Colour pencils or watercolours
- Paintbrush and water, if using watercolours
Step 1: Draw your first attempt
Ask the participant to draw a simple flower.
There are no reference pictures or examples to follow.
Encourage them to draw freely without worrying about the final appearance.
Step 2: Observe the drawing
Invite them to look at their flower.
Ask:
- What do you notice about your drawing?
- Is there anything you would like to change?
- How do you feel about the way it looks?
Allow them to express their thoughts without correcting or evaluating their work.
Step 3: Build around the original drawing
Now introduce the central instruction:
“Instead of erasing anything, add another layer to your flower.”
Participants can draw additional petals, extend the stem or introduce new colours.
Encourage experimentation while allowing them to decide how they want their flower to develop.
Step 4: Reflect on the transformation
Once the drawing is complete, invite participants to compare their initial drawing with the final picture.
Use these reflection prompts:
- What changed when you continued drawing?
- Were you tempted to erase your first attempt?
- What did you discover by adding something new?
- Can you think of a situation in your life where you could give yourself another opportunity?
Step 5: Connect the artwork to everyday life
Invite participants to complete this sentence:
“The next time something does not go as planned, I will…”
They can write their response beneath the drawing.
There is no requirement to produce a beautiful picture. The value of this exercise lies in the reflection and personal meaning participants attach to their experience.
For counsellors and expressive arts practitioners: This exercise can open a conversation about perfectionism, fear of failure and self-criticism. Observe the participant’s process and listen to their interpretation rather than assigning a fixed psychological meaning to the artwork. Participation should remain voluntary.
5. Helping Children Develop a Healthier Relationship With Mistakes
Parents and educators play an important role in shaping how children respond when things become difficult.
The language adults use can influence whether children feel comfortable attempting something unfamiliar.
Here are some practical approaches.
Acknowledge the difficulty
When a child struggles with a task, acknowledge their frustration.
You could say:
“I can see that this is harder than you expected. Would you like to try a different approach?”
This allows children to feel heard while keeping the possibility of another attempt open.
Focus on the learning process
Instead of commenting only on the final result, acknowledge the strategies a child used.
For example:
“You changed the way you approached that question when the first method did not work.”
This directs attention towards problem-solving rather than performance alone.
Avoid labelling children
Statements such as “You are naturally talented” or “You are bad at mathematics” can create expectations about what children should be able to do.
Focus instead on specific actions, strategies and learning experiences.
Give children opportunities to make decisions
Allow children to explore different ways of approaching a task.
When appropriate, ask:
“What else could we try?”
This encourages independent thinking and gives children an opportunity to discover alternative solutions.
Model mistakes openly
Children learn from observing how adults respond to their own difficulties.
When you make a mistake, acknowledge it without excessive self-criticism.
You could say:
“That did not work as I expected. I am going to try another way.”
This demonstrates that mistakes can be handled constructively.
6. When Trying Again Feels Difficult
Encouraging people to try again requires sensitivity.
For someone who has repeatedly experienced criticism or failure, the suggestion to simply keep going may feel overwhelming.
A more supportive approach begins by understanding what made the first attempt difficult.
Consider these situations:
A child struggling with schoolwork
The child may need additional instruction, a different learning method or more time to understand the concept.
A teenager afraid of making mistakes
They may benefit from opportunities to practise without feeling constantly evaluated.
An adult starting something unfamiliar
Breaking the task into manageable stages can reduce the pressure associated with getting everything right immediately.
A person experiencing perfectionism
Learning to recognise unrealistic expectations can help them approach tasks with greater flexibility.
In each situation, the next step should be realistic and appropriate to the person’s needs.
Trying again can also involve asking for help, changing the strategy or taking a break before returning to the task.
Self-compassion plays an important role here. It allows us to acknowledge disappointment without treating a single outcome as a judgement of our abilities.
7. A Small Reflection Exercise: What Would You Try Again?
You can extend the flower drawing exercise into a short journalling activity.
Take a notebook and answer these questions:
- What is something I stopped doing because my first attempt did not go well?
- What made the experience difficult?
- What would I approach differently if I tried again?
- What support or resources might help me?
- What is one small step I feel ready to take?
You do not need to have all the answers immediately.
The purpose is to identify an area where a different approach could be helpful.
You can also revisit these answers after a few weeks and reflect on any changes in your perspective.
8. Art Materials That Can Help You Explore This Exercise
You do not need expensive art supplies to begin. Ordinary drawing paper and a pencil are enough for the flower exercise.
However, if you enjoy creative journalling or expressive arts activities, the following materials can make experimentation easier.
1. Watercolour paint sets
A beginner-friendly watercolour set allows you to explore colour layering and blending. Watercolours can be particularly useful when creating flowers with overlapping petals.
2. Mixed-media sketchbooks
Choose a sketchbook with thicker paper if you intend to combine drawing and watercolour. Paper around 200 gsm or heavier can be a useful starting point for mixed-media work.
3. Fine-liner drawing pens
Fine-liners are useful for creating outlines, adding details and building layers of petals. If you intend to paint over the ink, check that the pen is waterproof once dry.
4. Watercolour brushes
A basic round brush is suitable for painting petals and adding small details. A beginner brush set can provide additional sizes for experimenting with different strokes.
5. Coloured pencils
Coloured pencils offer an alternative to watercolours. They are convenient for layering colours and adding details without needing water or additional equipment.
Affiliate disclosure: This article may contain affiliate links. If you purchase through these links, EducateAble may earn a small commission at no additional cost to you. Recommendations are intended to help readers explore suitable creative materials.
9. Watch the One Picture, One Life Lesson YouTube Short
A simple drawing can communicate an idea that stays with us long after the activity ends.
In Episode 7 of EducateAble’s One Picture, One Life Lesson series, I demonstrate how an imperfect flower can gradually transform through additional layers.
The original lines remain visible throughout the drawing, showing how an initial attempt can become part of something new.
Watch the video here:
Watch Episode 7: Why Your First Attempt Need Not Be Your Final One
If you find the exercise useful, share the video with someone who could use a little encouragement when approaching a new challenge.
Subscribe to EducateAble on YouTube for more short videos exploring life lessons through expressive arts.
10. Final Thoughts: Give Yourself Permission to Begin Again
Learning something unfamiliar can bring moments of frustration.
A drawing might look different from what you imagined. A project might require several revisions. A new skill might take longer to develop than expected.
These experiences are part of the learning process.
The next time you feel disappointed with an initial attempt, pause before deciding to abandon it.
Ask yourself whether there is another approach worth exploring. Consider what you have learnt from the experience and whether additional support could help.
You may discover that the next version looks very different from the first.
And that is perfectly fine.
Your first attempt is a starting point. It does not have to define what comes next.
Remember: You are allowed to learn, change your approach and begin again.
Explore More Resources from EducateAble
At EducateAble, we create resources to support children’s emotional development, inclusive learning and positive parenting.
Here are some resources you may find helpful:
For parents and educators
Explore our resources on emotional regulation, neurodiversity and inclusive education.
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