Growing up comes with a strange expectation: you are gradually given more freedom and responsibility while still figuring out who you are.

By the time young people approach their twenties, they may be expected to manage relationships, make decisions, cope with criticism, handle difficult emotions, ask for help and begin making choices about education or work.

These abilities do not appear automatically with age.

They are skills that can be practised.

In my work as a counselling psychologist and expressive arts therapist, I often think about emotional skills as part of preparation for adulthood. Academic knowledge matters, but young people also need practical ways to understand themselves and respond to what life brings.

This article explores five skills that can support that transition, along with a simple expressive arts activity that can help teenagers and young adults reflect on the person they are becoming.

Watch the YouTube Short

Before reading further, watch the short video that inspired this article:

The video introduces five life skills to start developing before your twenties. This article expands on why these skills matter and gives you a creative way to reflect on them.

Why Life Skills Matter Before Your 20s

The teenage years involve considerable development in independence, identity and decision-making.

Young people are gradually moving from having many decisions made for them towards making more of their own choices. This transition can bring excitement, uncertainty and pressure.

A useful framework for thinking about this development is social-emotional learning. Skills such as self-awareness, self-management, relationship skills and responsible decision-making can support young people as they navigate everyday challenges.

Creative approaches can provide another route into this learning. Recent research has found that arts-based interventions can support self-awareness, emotional expression and coping skills in young people.

That makes creative reflection particularly useful when a young person knows they are struggling but finds it difficult to explain exactly what they are feeling.

1. Learn How to Say No

Saying no can be surprisingly difficult.

A teenager might agree to something because they are worried about disappointing a friend. A university student might accept too many commitments because they are afraid of appearing unhelpful. A young adult might stay in an uncomfortable situation because setting a boundary feels rude.

Learning to say no is closely connected to boundaries.

A healthy boundary communicates what you can accept, what you cannot take on and what you need.

What this can look like

Instead of:

“I am so sorry. I really wish I could help. I have been so busy lately and I feel terrible…”

A young person can practise:

“I cannot take this on right now.”

Or:

“No, I am not comfortable with that.”

They do not need to create a long defence for every boundary.

A useful reflection

Ask:

“What am I afraid will happen if I say no?”

The answer can reveal whether the difficulty is connected to rejection, guilt, conflict or wanting approval.

Learning to tolerate the discomfort that can accompany a boundary is part of becoming more confident in relationships.

2. Learn How to Handle Criticism

Criticism can feel intensely personal during adolescence.

A comment about a school assignment can become:

“I am bad at this.”

A disagreement with a friend can become:

“Nobody likes me.”

Feedback from a teacher or employer can become:

“I am a failure.”

Learning to separate feedback about an action from judgement about your identity is an important skill.

When receiving criticism, try asking:

“Is there something useful here?”

If there is, take the information.

If the criticism is unfair, unnecessarily harsh or unrelated to your behaviour, it does not have to become your self-definition.

A simple mental pause can help:

What was said?
What did I feel?
What can I learn?

This creates space between receiving feedback and reacting to it.

3. Learn How to Regulate Your Emotions

Emotional regulation does not mean never becoming angry, anxious, disappointed or upset.

Emotions provide information.

The skill is learning how to notice an emotional response and decide what to do next.

For example, imagine receiving an upsetting message from a friend.

An impulsive response might be to immediately send an angry reply.

A regulated response could involve putting the phone down, taking a few breaths and returning to the conversation once the initial intensity has reduced.

Young people can practise asking:

“What am I feeling?”

Then:

“What is my body doing?”

And:

“What do I need before I respond?”

Creative expression can support this process because emotions can be explored through colour, shape, movement and imagery rather than words alone. Research into arts-based approaches with young people has identified self-awareness, emotional expression and coping as areas that can be supported through creative work.

4. Learn How to Be Comfortable With Yourself

Being alone and feeling lonely are different experiences.

A young person who constantly needs messages, likes, reassurance or company may begin to measure their sense of self through other people’s responses.

Developing a relationship with yourself can help create a stronger internal foundation.

This could involve:

spending time doing something you genuinely enjoy
learning what environments help you feel comfortable
discovering your interests
noticing your personal values
reflecting on what kind of person you want to become

This does not mean withdrawing from relationships.

Healthy connection and healthy independence can exist together.

A useful question is:

“Who am I when I am not trying to impress anybody?”

That question can lead to meaningful self-reflection.

5. Learn How to Ask for Help

Independence is often misunderstood.

A young person may believe that becoming an adult means solving every problem without assistance.

In reality, knowing when to seek support is an important form of self-awareness.

Asking for help might mean:

speaking to a teacher about academic difficulties
asking a parent for practical support
talking to a trusted friend
approaching a mentor
seeking professional mental health support when needed

Young people should know that needing support does not make them incapable.

The ability to recognise a problem and identify an appropriate source of help is a valuable life skill.

Try This Expressive Arts Activity: Draw Your Future Self

Here is a simple creative reflection that can be adapted for teenagers and young adults.

You do not need to be good at drawing.

The purpose is reflection, not artistic performance.

What you need

You can use:

a blank sheet of paper or sketchbook
coloured pencils, crayons or markers
a comfortable space where you will not be interrupted

Step 1: Imagine Yourself in the Future

Imagine yourself several years from now.

You do not need to picture a perfect life.

Instead, imagine yourself as someone who has developed greater confidence in handling everyday challenges.

What might that person be like?

Step 2: Draw Your Future Self

Draw yourself in any way you choose.

You can draw a realistic person, a symbolic figure, an abstract image or even a collection of shapes and colours.

There is no correct artistic style.

You might use colours to represent qualities you want to develop.

Perhaps one colour represents courage.

Another might represent calm.

Another might represent independence.

Let the image develop naturally.

Step 3: Add Five Skills

Around your drawing, write five skills you want your future self to have.

You could include:

I can set boundaries.

I can handle feedback.

I can manage difficult emotions.

I can enjoy my own company.

I know when to ask for support.

You can replace these with skills that feel personally relevant.

Step 4: Give Your Future Self a Message

Write one sentence to your future self.

For example:

“I hope you remember that you were learning.”

Or create your own message.

Step 5: Reflect

Look at your artwork and ask:

Which skill feels easiest for me right now?

Then ask:

Which skill would I like to practise more?

There is no need to complete everything in a single sitting.

The value of the exercise lies in noticing what the artwork brings to your attention.

Why Use Art for This Kind of Reflection?

Talking about yourself can be difficult.

A teenager may know that they feel overwhelmed without knowing how to explain the experience. Another young person may have plenty of words but find direct questions uncomfortable.

Creative expression provides another route.

Drawing can externalise an internal experience, giving the person something visible to look at and discuss.

Recent research has found that arts-based interventions can provide young people with opportunities for self-reflection and emotional expression, while structured art therapy programmes have also explored areas such as self-awareness, emotional regulation and social-emotional competence.

Expressive arts work can therefore become a bridge between an internal experience and a conversation about that experience.

It is important to distinguish a simple creative reflection activity from professional art therapy. Therapeutic work should be facilitated by an appropriately trained professional, particularly when a young person is experiencing significant distress or mental health difficulties.

For Parents: How to Support This Without Turning It Into a Lecture

If you are a parent, avoid turning the exercise into an assessment.

You do not need to analyse your child’s drawing.

Instead, be curious.

You might ask:

“Tell me about this part.”

“What does this colour mean to you?”

“What skill does your future self have?”

“Is there anything you would like to practise now?”

Allow your young person to decide what they want to share.

The artwork belongs to them.

A supportive conversation can be more useful than trying to interpret every symbol or colour.

For Teachers and Educators

This activity can also be adapted for classroom or youth-group settings.

Rather than asking students to produce technically polished artwork, focus on personal reflection.

You could introduce the prompt:

“Draw the person you are becoming, not the person you think other people expect you to be.”

Students can then identify one skill they would like to strengthen.

The activity can work particularly well as a reflective exercise around transitions such as finishing school, entering university, starting employment or preparing for greater independence.

Creative Supplies You Can Use

You do not need expensive materials for this activity. A basic sketchbook and coloured pencils are enough.

If you would like to build a small creative reflection kit at home, these are some options you can consider.

A simple sketchbook can provide a private space for drawing, journalling and creative reflection.

A larger colour range can be useful when a young person wants to represent different emotions or personal qualities visually.

A guided journal can complement expressive drawing by giving teenagers additional prompts for reflection.

This type of journal can be useful for young people who enjoy combining written reflection with creative work.

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The Bigger Lesson

Turning 20 does not suddenly make someone emotionally prepared for adulthood.

Skills develop through practice.

A teenager who learns to set boundaries can carry that skill into friendships and workplaces.

A young person who learns to pause before reacting may find it easier to handle conflict.

Someone who learns to ask for help may be better prepared for the inevitable challenges that come with independence.

The transition into adulthood becomes easier to navigate when young people have opportunities to understand themselves rather than simply being told what they should do.

Creative reflection can provide one accessible starting point.

Want More Creative Tools for Emotional Wellbeing?

At EducateAble, we create practical resources and content for parents, educators, children and young people, with a focus on emotional wellbeing, neurodiversity, inclusive education and expressive approaches.

If you enjoyed this activity, explore more EducateAble YouTube Shorts for simple creative ideas that can be used to open conversations about emotions, self-awareness and wellbeing.

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You can also explore our resources and support options:

Explore Educateable Website

If you are a parent, educator or professional looking for practical ways to support a young person’s emotional development, follow EducateAble for more creative tools and guidance.

A Final Reflection

Take a blank piece of paper.

Draw the person you hope to become.

Then ask yourself:

“What can I start practising today?”

You do not need to have your entire future planned.

You can begin by building the skills that will help you navigate it.